WAKE UP MR PRESIDENT
President Biden, wake up, you’re on next.
You are on stage sir.
WHERE AM I?
You are in Glasgow sir.
WHERE THE HELL IS GLASGOW?
WHERE THE HELL IS SCOTLAND?
It’s somewhere near to England I believe.
No sir, that is in America.
SOMEONE MOVED IT THEN?
No sir, we are in a town called Europe I believe and you are now to deliver a speech on global warming.
GLOBAL WARMING; COME ON MAN, GIVE ME A BREAK, IT WAS BLOODY FREEZING WHEN I GOT OFF THE PLANE.
Here is your speech Mr President, you will also find it in big letters on the autocue.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO WITNESS THE MARRIAGE OF…..
No Mr President, that was last week, just read the autocue.
YOU MEAN THAT LITTLE TELEVISION THING IN FRONT OF ME?
NO ONE EVER TELLS ME ANYTHING, ANYWAY, WHAT THE HELL IS GLOBAL WARMING? ITS STARTING TO SNOW IN VERMONT.
That isn’t important sir; just think about all those shares you and Barrack have in that wind farm company; get this right and we will all make millions.
BARRACK? ISN’T HE THAT COLOURED FELLOW WHO RUNS THE WHITE HOUSE – PRESIDENT I THINK?
No sir, he just dictates policy; you are the President.
KAMALA TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS PRESIDENT.
No sir – not until after Christmas.
WHO WAS THAT SCRUFFY BLOND-HAIRED TWIT PESTERING ME LAST NIGHT?
That would be Boris sir.
NEVER TRUSTED THOSE DAMNED RUSSIANS MYSELF; I LEAVE THAT SORT OF THING TO HUNTER. WHAT ABOUT THAT FAT BIRD, SHE SEEMED UP FOR IT?
That would be Frau Merkel sir, German I suspect.
DIDN’T THOSE BASTARDS BOMB PEARL HARBOUR?
I’m not very good at history sir.
POP ROUND THE WHITE HOUSE SOME NIGHT JULIE WHEN THE PRESIDENT’S OUT, I HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY.
My name’s Kevin sir.
WHY ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK THEN?
I’m a transvestite sir.
WHAT? YOU SUCK BLOOD?
Not blood sir but I do suck.
OK, LETS GET ON WITH THIS WEDDING THEN JULIE, I’M GETTING HUNGRY.